Banned from zoo.
Again?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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