so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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