i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
