You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
