dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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