People in love make me want to vomit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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