I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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