Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
