Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
