Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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