im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
