There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
