How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
