I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Are we still banned from the library?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
