ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
