Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
