so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
