god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
