another moral hangover. fuck.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
