She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
