So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Terrible idea I love it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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