I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
