I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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