So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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