So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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