ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
