is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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