He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize