mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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