I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
