Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize