So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
