I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My butt remains clenched, sir.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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