Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
