That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
