Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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