I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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