By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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