Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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