It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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