I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize