I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
