3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize