how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
