she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
