I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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