Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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