My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
