highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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