great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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