Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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