I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize