he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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