yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize