life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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