new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
