plz talk dirty to me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
