btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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