She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
