Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize