Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
