i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
