apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
