My hand turned me down
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
