I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
