By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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