my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i have two assholes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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