I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
