So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
