You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
