i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
