he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
