Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
