i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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