I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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