HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
