i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
