He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
