I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
