I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
