put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
