im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
