I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
